85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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