So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
