I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
