Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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