Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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