You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
