i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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