Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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