mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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