she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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