Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
