So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
