I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
