oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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