she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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