what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
there is glitter all over my balls
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