your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
