i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize