she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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