after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
