i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
