i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
