I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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