Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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