dude i'm inner monologue high
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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