see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
