Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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