the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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