I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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