I will die if light touches me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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