Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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