ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
