Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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