you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
