so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
