right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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