I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
