My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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