someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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