the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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