walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
