So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You can't motorboat a personality
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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