They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
