I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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