He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize