I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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