Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
