i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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