it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
