she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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