We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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