we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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