Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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