did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
