I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
