Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
