Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
