Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
