My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You left your phone here
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