The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
