if i can run in heels then i can drive
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
