sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
