I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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