there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
