also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
