lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
